After Christmas we drove up to Brian Head to spend time skiing with the kids. Chris’ parents came up to help with the little ones so I could spend some time out on the mountain. Sometimes things don’t really turn out the way you plan them… As soon as we got here, Marion started getting sick. She was having trouble sleeping and coughing in the night. This has happened before, so at first I wasn’t too concerned. But as the weekend arrived, she was getting worse and little James began to get sick also. Of course it was the weekend – no doctors offices were open. Even worse, Monday was New Year’s Eve Day, so all the doctors in Cedar City were working half days and not accepting new patients. So I bundled up James and Marion, and drove on down to the Orderville clinic.
I’ll admit that I spent some of the night before crying and praying for this to end as I held my coughing baby, and checked on Marion at least five times when she screamed in the night. It is stressful when little kids are sick – they can’t really tell you what is wrong, and you can’t give them many medications, and sometimes even little things like a cough can become serious in an infant.
As I drove to the clinic I felt like I had the weight of the world pressing down on my heart. I was sad the kids were sick, scared about how bad it was, and also somewhat selfishly, wishing that I could be out skiing instead of driving to the doctor. As I drove I prayed in my heart. I prayed for healing, prayed for peace instead of the panic I felt, prayed for some sense of God’s presence helping me through this experience, and in a small selfish moment I prayed that I could go with Chris, Elora, and Oliver to the New Year’s Eve party up at Brian Head. Elora had been so looking forward to it, and I wanted to be with her to see her excitement and happiness.
As the day progressed, something happened. I began to think of all the great blessings I have in my life. I began to look back at the past few years, at the joy my children have brought me, at the blessing baby James has been with his happy smiles and the love he has brought into our home as our older children have begged to hold, hug, and kiss him. I thought of Christmas with my family, the safe travels we had enjoyed. I thought of Elora and Oliver – so excited to get to ski with Daddy every day.
I looked around at the beautiful mountains and snow covered trees as I drove by. And I thought about life and what it is for. In those moments of prayer and realization, the fear melted away. I knew the days ahead would be hard. I knew there would not be much sleep, and lots of sick kids, and crying, and cleaning and missing out a little on some of the skiing I wanted to do. But I was no longer sad. I have a beautiful life. Even when it is hard, it is still beautiful.
I have never felt more gratitude and peace then on that day, driving and visiting doctors with my sick children. And for the first time in months, my heart did not feel heavy or burdened with the responsibility that motherhood has placed on me. I felt light, and happy in spite of everything. Happiness does not depend on circumstances working out exactly as we want. Happiness is all about recognizing the beauty and blessings in our lives.
It turned out that James had RSV and Marion had two ear infections. We got back to Brian Head that night after a long day of doctors, hospital, pharmacy, and driving just in time to drive over to see the fireworks. Marion was so excited. She actually smiled and laughed even though she felt sick. There were skiers who rode the chairlifts holding flares, and they skied down during the fireworks.
And baby James fell asleep in my arms and stayed that way all through the party that night.
I sat at the table during the party, watching Elora and Oliver singing, dancing, playing with their noisemakers, picking out party hats, playing with their dad, and I was completely overwhelmed with the peace and joy I had been searching for.
Marion loved the balloons.
Oliver was excited to pick out a party hat for his little sister.
And for himself…
Sometimes in life I get discouraged because I look at what is wrong. There will always be things that go wrong. But that night I saw all that was right. And I have thanked God many times in the days since as I have recognized my blessings, in spite of late nights, hospital trips, and sick children. I am so grateful right now to God, for giving me this beautiful gift – to see the beauty that is all around me, all the time. I hope I always remember. I had to write it down and share, because I never want to forget this New Year’s Eve and how it truly changed me. My burdens were made light, I found peace and hope and happiness at the beginning of this beautiful New Year.
The next morning the kids were still so excited about the party that they put their hats and necklaces back on. And thanks so much to Nana and Grampy for staying with the sick little ones so I still had a chance to ski on New Year’s with Elora and Oliver – my first time skiing with them this year and they are totally amazing.
Happy New Year’s everyone. I hope you all find the joy and peace you are seeking to carry you through the hard times in life.
